Dealing With Setbacks
Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash
You’ve probably heard me talk about how the main way that I improved at communication and persuasion was through years and years of intensive editorial feedback. And you’ve probably heard me talk about how I’ve always sought out that feedback even though it isn’t pleasant in the moment. But…
I don’t think I’ve really talked about what it feels like to receive that feedback and how to cope with those feelings.
You have a project you care about. You pour your mind, heart, and soul into it. Maybe you struggled to write it. Maybe you’re stressed by the looming deadline. Maybe you’re even more stressed by all of the other things you have to do besides work on this project.
But you finish a draft. You suspect it needs work, but as you send it to your editor you feel a sense of achievement and triumph. And even though you know better, part of you really, really hopes your editor says, “Holy shit, this is the best thing I’ve ever read.”
Your editor replies. The feedback isn’t mean, but it’s blunt. It’s not good. In fact, it’s so off base that you’ll essentially have to start from scratch.
And the thing is…you agree with the criticism.
But it feels demoralizing. You’re embarrassed. You feel exhausted at the thought of starting over and maybe even fear that you’ll be able to get it right. You might even start questioning whether you have the ability to write something good.
If you can’t relate to any of that, by the way, my guess is you’ve never worked with a good editor. Because every writer I know has gone through something like this, no matter how great a thinker and communicator they are.
Hell, I went through this in the last week with a challenging project I’m working on.
Here’s how I cope. It’s not a magic recipe that will make critical feedback feel amazing. But it’s the best I’ve come up with so far.
Accept that this is part of the writing process. Critical feedback and the emotions that go with it are the price it takes to produce good work and to improve your skills. It’s not some alien experience only bad writers or unworthy projects are subject to. The only way to guard yourself from negative emotions is to give up on writing or put out garbage.
Take some time. Give yourself a week, a day, or at least a fifteen minute walk before diving back into fixing the piece. Not only does this allow the emotions to dissipate, but you’ll usually gain insights on what went wrong and how to fix it.
Don’t treat the editorial comments as a checklist. An editor is an aid, and even the best editors are not as close to your work as you are. Use their feedback, not as a guide to exactly what’s wrong and how to fix it, but as an aid to forming your own, first-hand view of what’s wrong with the piece and how to fix it.
Don’t be afraid to start from scratch. This is really my double underlining the last point. The temptation can be to look for the smallest tweaks that will please your editor. Don’t do that! Use your editor as a springboard to turn out something amazing. And sometimes that means setting aside your previous draft and starting from scratch. (The funny thing is, sometimes this one will pour out nearly perfect.)
Remind yourself: “I’ve been here before and solved problems harder than this.” Rebuild your confidence by keeping in mind your ability to solve problems, even if this piece has problems you haven’t yet solved.
Then sit down and get to work. And, if it helps, you can call to mind the lines from Kipling that always come to mind when I’m struggling to revise a difficult piece:
If you can bear to ... watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools
